The Liberal Fascist Pages – The Problem of Religion in the Public Sphere

Let’s take a moment to assess the life of your average mosque goer. Since we don’t have a word for your average mosque goer we’ll just call him a mosquito. Now the mosquito, after a hard day of beating his wife and shouting at his children, looks to unwind in the afternoons by hanging out at his preferred social institution, the mosque. Here, his belligerent facial here and body odour are a source of respect, not ridicule. Here, away from the things he does not understand, like women and the nominal rate of interest, he feels safe.

Bzz, bzz he goes around with his sandals in his hands, muttering strange syllables in a language he does not understand, looking for a place to sit down cross-legged on the floor and intent on hearing sermons glorifying his hermit like existence while his posterior develops a dull, rhythmic ache, like a migraine of the ass.

This is an emotional and intellectual cul de sac. Liberal doctrine dictates a certain amount of civic responsibility in exchange for personal freedom. The mosquito, instead of going out and embracing his fellow men sits there on the floor all day embracing his knees. He eschews civic duties in favour of personal gratification, ignores the community in his selfish pursuit of religious fulfillment. For a measly eternity in the after life he forgets all about his sixty expected years of material existence on this earth.

This is unacceptable, but we cannot punish someone for being greedy.

We can however punish people for causing public nuisance. Consider Friday afternoons, which are to mosquitos what Saturday nights are to the rest of us. All shops are forced to close on a Jummah break, offices are emptied out, classes interrupted, roads completely clogged, it’s like everything comes to a standstill. In a country where employees normally show up to work at 11:59, letting them off at 12:00 defeats the purpose of making it a working day to begin with. Moreover, people leaving for the Friday break normally come back on Monday. That is not a break. That is a fucking vacation.

That is precisely the problem of religion in the public sphere. It affects productivity.

We feel that religion, like sex, is a private matter that should be conducted behind closed doors, at night, with the music turned up loud.

This is something the mosquito must be taught for the good of his own good and for the goods of other people’s goods. It’s no good letting people have individual liberties if they just use them to become voluntary slaves.

Besides, these places for religious congregations lead to dangerous things, like danger, and stashes of illegal ammunitions. Not all mosquitoes are bad people, however. Some of them have died and can no longer be referred to in the present tense.

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14 thoughts on “The Liberal Fascist Pages – The Problem of Religion in the Public Sphere

  1. Kanwalful says:

    It’s funny how “liberal” people like you have the “liberal” nerve to go around stereotyping mosque goers by assuming that they beat up their wives and exude body odor. Mosque-goers are generally always clean – considering x times of wuzu and perfumes. In reality, it is individuals (like you, let me assume now) who smoke up, drink and party the night away who are permanently smelling bad. Just pointing that out, since BO is such a prime issue in your argument.

    Secondly, Friday prayers do not disrupt businesses or classes. It takes literally an hour or less to pray after which everything else can go back to normal. But considering much of society is made up of idiots like you, a lot of people do sleep off the rest of the day. Or so you’d like to believe.

    Next time you ATTEMPT to write an article, do so with a more profound perspective, rather than babbling out whatever comes to your warped brain that is suffering from an overdose of confusion and identity crisis.

    • Haseeb Asif says:

      Dear Kanwalful. Dearest Kanwalful. Do you think that ‘an hour or less’ cannot disrupt public life? Have you ever been delayed for an hour when you had to do something urgent? Let’s suppose you woke up one morning and accidentally drank a gallon of water. Maybe you dreamed that you were a fish, maybe you dropped some change in the container and just wanted to get to the bottom of it quickly, anyway you drank it, now it’s swirling inside your bladder ready to explode in a tidal wave of urethral joy, but when you reach the toilet there’s a sign outside that says closed for an hour.

      Can you imagine that sinking feeling in your heart? That lurching of your guts? That pure, crystalline despair?

      That is what Jummah break feels like to the rest of us. Like we have to hold everything in for an hour.

      But it’s possible that you are right, it’s possible that I have been unfair to the mosquitoes, possible, but not likely. I am a fair and impartial judge of human character, Kanwalful, they come to me with problems from all walks of life. ALL WALKS OF LIFE.

    • Kaif says:

      Lately my timeline had been buzzing off about your amazing blog. Decided to check it out for myself. Ofcourse stumbled upon this little bit here. First off, I respect your point of view. It is your own and you have every right to it. Now that we are clear on it, as a Muslim I feel the need to point out a few things. 1: mosque goers are called Muslims. Not mosquitoes beta. 2: Stereotyping Muslims was not what I expected from you or your writing. I thought you were well read enough to not make such a mistake.
      3: The time wastage you speak of, will seem like a wastage if you are sitting around waiting to do something productive. I am sure, almost positive, that you will not stop your life for someone else. Then why stop it for people who are gone for prayers? If the country you live in enforces that, move to a different country or petition to let the world continue its business whilst others pray. I am sure you are intelligent enough to comprehend that because religion is private, it should practised the way one wants to do so. And not do it behind closed doors for fear of offending someone.

      Do not let your views on religion fog your logical sense of reasoning. To each their own but stereotyping religion or thriving on ignorant views will contribute to redundant mental growth.

      • Haseeb Asif says:

        1. mosque goers are not called muslims. my mother is called a muslim and she’s never been to a mosque in her life

        2. i am not stereotyping muslims. i am stereotyping mosque going muslims.

        3. thanks to another sort of muslim, the exploding kind, i am unable to move to a different country. but if you can help me out there i would be very grateful

  2. TLW says:

    Dear Kanwalful,

    Consider yourself trolled.

    Tata.

  3. Kanwalful says:

    Dear TLW,

    Consider yourself deprived of enough brain-cells to make better use of your time.

    Tata.

    • TLW says:

      I did use my brain cells. To make people with religious pretensions happy. Then I realised they’ld never be happy, so I stopped wasting my time.

  4. Xeb says:

    A laugh early in the morning is a good omen for the rest of the day!😛 Thank you, my liberal fascist friend!

  5. Ugly Shoelace says:

    Aray! Yahaan par tou laraye ho rahi hey. Kahaan tha maine kay mat karo aisaay kaam or jumma parho. Tsk tsk!

    If Kanwalful decides to kill you, remember – you can always hide in my city. aho!

  6. Oh Allah, I can’t stop giggling. Aww look at the self-righteous trolls! I wonder if they get brownie points for pointing out heretical flaws in what is clearly a satirical blog post. We shall have no humour in heaven! Anyway I loved this post, it was hilarious.

  7. Taimur says:

    Kisi kei pas Mortein hai?

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