The Liberal Fascist Pages – Agenda

Being a liberal I never walk around on my own feet, I always ride a horse, even to the toilet. It is something the white man left as a colonial legacy, gong to the toilet. Our conservative friends do not know what a toilet is, they believe in tradition and sitting over ditches in open fields, they do not believe in toilets.

It is one of the declared aims of the liberal fascist party to make everyone in this country use toilets. The first thing to do of course would be to have toilets to use. That means building a public lavatory for every ten or so people in the population. That is a lot of toilets. But hygiene must never be sacrificed in the name of progress, what good is making flyovers when they will just be urinated upon because there are not enough toilets? That is short-sighted conservative logic.

All these high rise buildings will be turned into low ceilinged washrooms where mothers can take their children to relieve themselves without fear of attack by wild animals or getting crushed under the wheels of a train.

When we say children of course, we mean a reasonable amount of them, like one. One children is all the children couples will be allowed to have under the liberal fascist rule. Conservatives think that having children is some kind of perverse competition, that the more you have the bigger prize you will get. They are wrong.

There is no competition, and the only prize is that they get to spend half their life earnings on circumcisions.

Conservatives rear so many children they have a hard time thinking of original names, that’s why every second and third person in this country is called Ali. Most conservative members have at least three household members called Ali, one called Hassan and all of them may answer to Muhammad. If you are like me you have fourteen cousins called Ali and you find only one of them bearable.

This situation is not tenable. The liberal fascist party will give one pregnancy coupon and one name, a decent sensible name like Gaston or Bhagavateeprasad, until all the Ali’s disappear from this country.

This is for the conservative’s own good, even though that is something undesirable in the liberal fascist manifesto, but when our horses can’t take a single stride without stepping on conservative progeny, enough is enough.

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9 thoughts on “The Liberal Fascist Pages – Agenda

  1. Ugly Shoelace says:

    Yawr, toilets remind me, there is a sink outside the doctors’ room that we usually use to wash our hands after checking every patient. Today, this woman was washing her babies bum in the sink. Scarred for life 😦

  2. TLW says:

    So much more to add. In fact, we could go so far with this manifesto, that it’ld be borderline illegal.

    I thought this was just the intro, way, way more to say, like how we need to scare kids into speaking English, pay a fine anybody says the word Jew in a country that has none and how booze is superior to lassi and halwa.

  3. Afia says:

    Good one! But it has to be expanded into a more comprehensive document, otherwise we’ll never be able to rein in the peasants… I mean, spread liberal values.

    • Haseeb Asif says:

      oh i wrote a series of these, for a friend who started the semi-official Liberal Fascist Party, then she disappeared, didn’t even acknowledge my labour, FASCIST! i’ll upload them in bits

  4. TLW says:

    You’re friends with the person who made the Liberal Fascist Party? Tell them to keep updating. No pressure. Just their electorate talking.

    I just realised how drunk my comment sounded. In my defence, I was sober, but sleep deprived.

    • Haseeb Asif says:

      wellll she sort of detached herself from the whole thing, it started off as a joke obviously, i think her elder sister and said sister’s friend now run it, i don’t really know them. anyway they shunned me and i hold deep rooted anger and resentment towards them. i’ll make my own liberal fascist party, called the LFPP-D (Dysfunctional)

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