So yes, I went to see Bol just now. It was a mixed bag of sententious sermons, seditious sacrilege, suggestive settings and two other words beginning with ‘s’ that imply poor narration and/or bad character development. Oh yeah, sucky storytelling.

First the good:

1) I went to see it. That is a positive for any movie, you know, sounding interesting enough to make me (make my friend) pay for a ticket; this can happen for any number of (unrelated) reasons, such as the movie having a cool name (does not apply in this case),  my friend receiving a fresh paycheck at the end of a month (hello) or it being released at a time when I (are these) have nothing to do (parentheses getting to you yet?) which is most days of the year come to think of it. So basically I go see a lot of movies, what I said before about it counting as a plus must have been wrong. Ignore this point.

2) We’ll start from two. Just to avoid any confusion we’ll refer to this as point one. Now, firstly (I had a dog once), as this is point number one (but it got bitten), Shafqat fucking Cheema (by my neighbour). No, no, Shafqat isn’t fucking Cheema, (and died of rabies) I refer to the actor, the thespian extraordinaire (true story), nay, the god, lord almighty of dramatic art himself (okay, I made up the bit about my neighbour) graced this paltry projector screen with his (and the bit about it dying of rabies) presence and flabby chest.

3) The sheer amount of he-women, she-men, trannies et al, it contained; excellent casting decision, please keep them off the streets, they scare all the sexual desire out of me (alright, the bit about me owning a dog might have been exaggerated as well).

4) Which is really three but you knew that. The supporting cast was generally excellent and their dialogues sharp, funny, authentic (truth is I’ve never so much as even owned a hamster, I fucking hate animals).

5) Set in Lahore. Suck it Karachi/other cities nobody wants to live, let alone shoot movies, in (if you must insist on knowing, a dog did die but only because I ran it over with my car).

Now the bad:

1) Atif Aslam (best stick to the one thing that you don’t know how to do, no need to fail on multiple levels, did I mention this schmuck was my neighbour for ten years?). Wanker.

2) VJ Mahira (yes, you’re very pretty now go be very pretty somewhere else, like on the cover of a magazine or a pack of green, smelly detergent). Wank her.

3) What the fuck was all that shit about birth control? Did I miss the part where it said ‘a Sabz Sitara production’? I thought I’d run into a vasectomy booth on the way out for sure. They might as well have given away free condoms with the pop corn.

4) Music was terrible. See 1).

5) Set in Lahore. I’m fucking sick of this city.

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7 thoughts on “Bol

  1. Rabayl Memon says:

    a clever review ruined by obvious transphobia and latent misogyny. what a pity.

    • Haseeb Asif says:

      That doesn’t make any sense because I am actually a transsexual woman, how can one be racist against yourself? I do hate animals though, they’re very unreasonable creatures.

  2. I didn’t see any misogyny. Was it that latent? screw that anyway, this was funny as hell ^_^

  3. Ugly Shoelace says:

    Atif Aslam was your neighbour for ten years? Haye poor you. The torture you must have endured.

  4. Ugly Shoelace says:

    Birth control is important. Very important. Dude, so a woman comes to the gynae department – she had five children – three normal vaginal deliveries and two C-sections. She came ready to pop the baby out and her uterus ruptured. And for nine whole months, she didn’t even know she was pregnant. So birth control – FTW

    Our professor goes : what’s the first line of management in this case? Everyone was quiet. She goes : A tight slap right across the face to the lady who didn’t know she is pregnant and then came ready to just pop the baby.

    Fun Fun!

    This had nothing to do with your review but it was relevant to the part where she says : jab khila nahi saktay ho tou paida kuu kartay ho 😮

  5. hahaha… “bachion ki linaien laga di per abba k shoq khatam nhi ho rahay!” lolz

  6. Sami Saayer says:

    likhna nahin aata tou review kyoon likhtay hooooooooo

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