Captain’s Blog. Stardate: 2011.29. The Klingons have stolen all the pretzels from my cupboard. Spock is sitting in a corner shaking his head from side to side. I am getting muscle spasms from the withdrawal. Must. Have. Salt. Kirk to bridge, can I have two double vodkas and a pint of beer please? Thanks. Slurp. Gulp. Kirk out. Thud.
To pee or not to pee, that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The stings of a long filled bladder,
Or to take it in the hands, to unleash a sea of troubles
And by flushing end them? To sigh, to breathe,
To breathe perchance to see; ay! there’s the scrub.
For in this quandary what thoughts may come,
To brave public lavatories, and the copious marks,
Yellow and brown, of men who have gone before.
Stench, like the bowels of hell, sight,
Like a pig’s innards: whithered and wasted.
O municipal Development Authority!
May thy employees rot
And thy building blow up
In some suiciders rage, and
May thee be forced to assail the toiletries,
Of a district jail, to grunt and sweat,
Over a hole in the ground, amen!
I sometimes lay awake at nights wondering, why the fuck did I sleep through the day?