A Conversation with an Idiot

hassantg@gmail.com: aoo ji
i called you the other day

me: what did you call me

hassantg@gmail.com: and of course it being you, you did NOT pick up

me: i was in muzaffargarh
helping the poor people of my soil

hassantg@gmail.com: oh ur still doing that

me: i have more noble things to do than to talk to corporate sell outs

hassantg@gmail.com: hows that going for you
how can i be a corporate sell out
im in school
a super liberal school at that

me: do you realize your tuition fee at duke could change the lives of millions of people in southern punjab, for the    drastically better?

hassantg@gmail.com: do u realize not paying my tution fee at duke changes my life
For the significantly worse

me: always so self-centered what has this world become
someday you will realize that all these minted pieces of paper are worth nothing compared to bringing a little joy into people’s lives
high end jobs, careers, it’s all squat
it’s just a soulless enterprise

hassantg@gmail.com: that reminds me hows the bringing joy to lives thing working out for you

me: you are emotionally dead, like a zombie

hassantg@gmail.com: u are just overdoing it now

me: so the next time you’re sitting in an expensive cafe, working on your expensive laptop for your expensive degree, sipping on an expensive cappuccino or whatever, just remember, there’s people dying of hunger near your ghee factory in multan

hassantg@gmail.com: well since we have been giving away free dinner at the factory for a month now
maybe the ppl should stop dying and go to the bloody factory

me: lies
do not tell me lies to hide your shame

hassantg@gmail.com: oki doki

me: you, you are a vain individual
feeding on the toil of the wretched to build your concrete empires

hassantg@gmail.com: i am vain but i wasnt always like this
u sir had a huge part in making me who i am today
still useless sadly but vain and useless now
also do you have a mike ?

me: i do not possess any unnecessary capitalistic inventions that are of no help to my brothers in need

hassantg@gmail.com: wtf
how does ur computer help ur brothers in need

me: it helps me collect funds
hassantg@gmail.com: and im sure u still have that uber expensive graphics card how does that help

me: it helps me pass the time while i’m collecting funds

hassantg@gmail.com: BULLSHIT
unless porn stars give u funds

me: look, if i go insane from being horny all the time it’s not going help anyone alright?
i need to be in my best shape to aid the suffering masses
therefore, cigarettes, alcohol, porn, etc are all necessary expenditures
studying at duke isn’t
fuck face

hassantg@gmail.com: studying at bnu is acceptable ?

me: i don’t study at bnu
i GO TO bnu
spend some time there
and then come back
but i do not study

hassantg@gmail.com: thats an even bigger waste go to a public park or something

me: but bnu gives me money for relief trips, coasters and shit
and they provide the stay in multan
so my fees are being utilized towards philanthropic ends

hassantg@gmail.com: also more importantly
write a fucking blog

me: writing a blog helps no one
sorry
can’t do
i’m past that stage in my life

hassantg@gmail.com: well thats a useless bookmark then

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2 thoughts on “A Conversation with an Idiot

  1. Wasn’t it LUMS you went to

    • Haseeb Asif says:

      I went to LUMS as well, yes. I went to many places, I studied many things, repeatedly. I was so good at studying certain things that they taught them to me again and again. They didn’t do that with anyone else I am special.

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