First Man/Woman to Point It Out Wins First Man/Woman to Point It Out Award

A gold flamingo brooch is wound tightly around his thyroid, a gold watch is shining off his right wrist. But a cascading brook of achromatic saliva is running down his hairy chin. At first his clumsy circumambulation of this dimly lit room is aphonic but soon his larynx springs into action. Only it is producing sounds, not words.

“Ugh! Argh! Wooo!”.

His motion is similarly arbitrary and haphazard, an arm flays to and fro, a hand swings into a man’s drink, spilling it onto a mahogany floor. “Idiot!”, follow a flurry of shouts as his twitching limbs author a trail of ruin.

“Drunk out of his mind, I think.”
“What an animal!”
“Probably just got rich this past hour.”
“Gold! So crass.”

A pair of strong hands grab hold of him by his torso to try and sit him down, but to no avail. This intrusion only turns unwitting chaos into wilfull annihilation.

“Urgh!! Aaargh!!! Wooo!”

Food is bouncing off glass walls and vibrant fluids skim across iron trays and slabs of wood; slabs around which throngs of polish and charm sit awkwardly in shock, not knowing how to carry on in this onslought. Stylish garbs and chic outfits fall victim to his bumbling and bobbling.

“What a catastrophy!”
“This suit cost a lot you know.”
“You can’t buy dignity…”
“…and that fur is so immitation.”

A pair of strong hands grab hold of him again, with back-up on this occasion, gradually curtailing his passion for going walkabout. His limbs still twitch, his cranium still snaps to follow random sounds but most of his bulk now lays firmly in a chair, making him compliant from a languid sort of a calm that flows into him from this solid contact.

A spoon is quickly thrust into his paw and hot grub laid out in front of him.

“Urgh? Argh? Wooo?”

An inquiry, a lull and now loud, slurping, suckling sounds.

“Oh God. Kill us now.”
“I’m glad I’m not with him. How humiliating.”
“…no, not dignity.”
“This is why I’m against class mobility.”

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15 thoughts on “First Man/Woman to Point It Out Wins First Man/Woman to Point It Out Award

  1. Asad says:

    Urgh! onslought. Argh! catastrophy. Woo! immitation

  2. Ugly Shoelace says:

    Seems like .. erm .. your character is suffering from a rare case of Huntington’s disease. Hm.

  3. Jareer says:

    Scooby Doo?

  4. Haseeb Asif says:

    Yar, there’s an often used letter of the english alphabet, a vowel no less, ENTIRELY MISSING FROM THE STORY. killjoys.

  5. Ugly Shoelace says:

    Bummer 😀

  6. Salman Javaid says:

    Why does it remind me of Anthony from The Beautiful and Damned. Why.

  7. Gaurav says:

    Damn! I figured it out.. but just before I could post it i deciphered the ‘Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally? post.

    Glad that I saved myself from looking like a complete ass!

  8. Bravo, bravo. I would never have managed to figure it out.

  9. […] protagonist in this brilliant short story by Haseeb Asif of Iblees was the inspiration for this short scene.  Just the idea of someone not […]

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