The Talk

“Hello, son. Sit down a moment will you? We need to have a talk.”

“Sure thing, dad. What is it?”

“Oh, not much, really. How’s life? Are you happy? Do you…feel okay?”

“Wonderful. I feel great!”

“Good. It’s good that you feel great, that makes me feel great. Now we’re both feeling great! Isn’t that great?”

“Father, what’s this about?”

“Oh, uh…nothing, nothing. Your mother has just been wanting me to have a little chat with you…you know, about how you feel…about things.”

“Things?”

“You know…things! I’m sure you’ve wondered how it is that…things come to be.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Like, I’m sure you’ve wondered where you came from.”

“We came from Amritsar, you told me already.”

“No, I mean where you came from…how you were, you know, born…”

“Dad, you don’t have to…”

“…because I agree with your mother. I think it’s time you found out. What are you now…?”

“I’m 26″

“26. I remember my father had this talk with me when I was 42. You were already three years old!”

“Uh…dad….”

“No, no. Don’t try and stop me. I know it’s awkward but it’s very important that you have a clear idea so as to avoid any misconceptions. Misconceptions! Haha…I’m sorry. I can’t imagine what the boys at work must say, the things they must whisper about. None of that is true, you hear me? None of that dirty stuff. That’s filth. “

“Dad, I…”

“Listen son. When two people are very much in love they, well…hold hands, hug, kiss; then they get married. Then a time comes when the husband has to go away for a while and when he comes back after a year he finds his wife pregnant. It’s the separation you see, the loneliness. The loneliness makes women pregnant. Because they want somebody to hold and hug and kiss when their husbands are away.”

“I thought it was the sex.”

“Sex?”

“Tell me, when you were abroad for your job, who was mother living with?”

“Why, your uncle, my brother.”

“You better sit down father, I think we need to have a talk.”

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14 thoughts on “The Talk

  1. Jareer says:

    DAMN… that actually makes sense… now have to ask my old man a few questions!

    • Haseeb Asif says:

      Don’t! I’ve found that this is a subject best left untouched. Like, I know for a fact that my youngest sibling is the result of faulty contraception. How do you even reconcile with something like that? I ask him that everyday but for some reason he doesn’t talk to me anymore.

  2. g2 says:

    rofl… definitely one of your best :)

  3. Ugly Shoelace says:

    Hahaha!!! Hilarious.

    A patient came to us once and her mother-in-law wanted us to investigate her for infertility. Turns out her husband was in Dubai for four years – hence the infertility.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Brilliant!! As always..

  5. Leo says:

    Hahaha. Brilliant.

  6. xyzandme says:

    LOL!!!
    This is so wrong.. yet so right!!

  7. Hahahah…..this nearly killed me.

  8. Eiynah says:

    haha loved the post! great comment on how unaware our community can be about sexuality.

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